Not entirely sure what to do. Managed to piss off a good friend. Again.
Why do I always do this…?
Anyways, guys, I’d really like some advice, please?
I don’t know if I want to continue our friendship. It’s like everytime we talk, I don’t know who she is anymore, and she doesn’t know me. We argue more and more often, but she really does mean a lot to me…
In words? 273,652, and that’s just on my fanfiction,net account. Add in a few fics that I haven’t added yet (like the USxUK Summer Vacation thingy; I wrote like more than 10,000 words for that, probably more), or things from the kink meme… Along with an original fic that’s thus far only a little over 16,000+ words… Along with a few stories for the Sonic the Hedgehog fandom that I’ve since deleted…
I’d say I’m well over 350,000 words, maybe even close to 400,000.
And I’m continuing to improve.
I’m not exactly going to share how much I write with anyone who asks (because they won’t expect me as the ‘type’ to write fanfiction), but anyways, yeah, this is why I’m a decent writer now—because I practiced, no matter how awful a writer I was.
So I finally log onto dA…
And I don’t know what to do??
There are people there that have known me for a while and are jokingly wanting to send out ‘missing person’ type ads around eachother, and I haven’t so much as spoken to ‘em for quite some time, but… ugh, I just don’t know.
I’ve been logged off most days, and when I do log on it’s just to get rid of spam as far as journals and art go.
I don’t ever plan on using dA again. But is it wrong to want to continue distancing myself from these people? They’re really nice but I don’t feel like I know them anymore, and I’m not sure if they would honestly still like me even though I’ve been undergoing some personal changes that are majorly affecting my personality?
Seriously guys please give me advice, okay?
I won’t be doing anything else with the kink-meme.
That means that any fills I had going will be cancelled (save for the epilogue of Breaking Point; the anons who watch it were too kind and good at concrit to bail on them before the epilogue).
The why of which is mainly because I found a few comments on an anon-meme insulting the requests (and similar ones) to things I’d filled, ergo insulting what I’d written for those prompts.
I know I should be more thick-skinned about it, but seeing comments that basically ask “OMG, what USUK fan would like that anyways?” sort of ruin experiences for me.
I won’t be going there anymore. Maybe occasionally to check for any really fills, but I won’t be requesting and I won’t be filling or finishing what I’d started.
I’m pretty disappointed in whoever it is that made those comments… But, hey. Shiz happens. I just don’t want it to happen again.
I haven’t cried for like a year.
But right now…
Agh, I’m so pathetic. I feel like I’m about to break my streak because guess how much Photoshop Elements decided it hated me?
I’d been working on something for like hours and kept forgetting to save it…
And then it randomly shut down.
THIS close to crying, people. THIS CLOSE.
But not a tear has technically been shed so I’ll just stay strong.
And perhaps take a baseball bat to the useless pile of crap that I call Photoshop Elements. It’s a pretty horrible program, really.
Fine. FINE. Be that way. Text me at 6:30 in the morning and then immediately turn your phone off so I can’t call you and hear your voice and reassure myself that it’s possible for you to even wish to associate yourself with me. It’s not like I care!
And-And why should I feel bad about not speaking to you anyways? It’s not like I love you or anything! It’s-It’s not like I’ve loved you for a year and a half or anything even remotely similar to that!
So fine—Wake me up in the morning, so that I fall asleep thinking of you and wake up in a mad scamble to get to my phone. FINE! It’s not like I’ll be depressed about it the whole day!
Keep doing what you’re doing. It’s not likeIcare!
But maybe, could you call me later today? B-Because, well, I don’t want to start caring, see? That’s it! No other motives whatsoever! It’s not like I miss your voice or… or anything…
WHY MUST YOU BE SO CUTE I WANT YOU TO BE RIGHT HERE SO I CAN HUG YOU AND KISS YOU-wait, not kiss you, you don’t know I like you-AND CAN YOU CALL ME YOUR DORK/IDIOT/WHATEVER ELSE AGAIN? BECAUSE I REALLY LIKED IT WHEN YOU CALLED ME THAT. I MISSSS YOUUUUU… ;.; I WANT… a hug. Can you PLEEEEEASE come over here so I can hug you, too? I MISS YOUR HUGS. WHY MUST YOU BE SO SPECIAL AND BEAUTIFUL AND SMART AND INDEPENDENT AND PERFECT-wait not perfect, neither of us are but you’re like THIS close I swear-AND LOVELY AND TSUNDERE ALWAYS BUT SOMEHOW OBLIVIOUS BECAUSE THIS IS LIKE A YEAR AND A HALF OF UNRESOLVED EMOTIONAL TENSION. FOR SERIOUS. AND YOU DON’T EVEN KNOOOOOOOOW…
In this relationship, I’d be a smart and witty-ish fem!America and she’d be a surprisingly gentle fem!England. But other than that, yeah, pretty much the same.
WHY IS MY OTP MY OTHER OTP TOO?
And more importantly, if we ever get together, would she cosplay with me?
I want to live forever, paused at age 25. I want to fall in love with someone who will be able to stay with me forever, and have that love last as long as we live—forever.
I want to watch over my world and see it grow and change; I want to be able to help people forever, with history at my side, along with the one I love.
I want to be immortal. I want to be a living, breathing testament that growth and change and love and duty and beauty can be found in anything, at any time or place.
I want a lot of things, though. But I think I want this most—
Especially the part of staying with my sweetheart forever.